Where is the motivation??

So, where does the motivation go? I'm trying to find it. I think it's hiding. I feel as though I'm sabatoging myself. I know I want to change. I know I need to lose some weight. It's been creeping up, yet I've had no motivation to do anything about it. Furthermore, my eating has been total crap. Bad choices as often as I can. It's terrible. I know better. So what gives? Why is tomorrow always the starting day, when tomorrow doesn't ever really arrive?

Sad thing is, I'm starting to get down on myself about it. I look in the mirror and I feel fat. I look at my reflection and the only thing I see is how I seem to be ever expanding at the waistline. It's not fun. I don't like feeling this way, yet seem to be having a hard time doing anything about it. I want to change yet I don't actually know what my first step will be.

Today I sent my husband off with my 4 year old to ride his bike (he's learning), and then I put my baby down for a nap, and I went down and ran on the treadmill. I just did a quick workout. Picked the mixed intervals and ran 4.21km with some hills and some speed work in there. Of course I found my ipod first. It felt so good. It always does. And really, exercise is easy to get back into. Yet I always seem to make excuses these days to not bother. Yet, if I really want to make a difference, I know that I need to work on this. Tonight, I came into work, and used my lunch hour to work out. I did 20 minutes on the bike and another 15 minutes of weight. So, there is progress. It's a start, but I need to keep that momentum going.

Even more so though, is food. I need to get serious about the choices I'm making. I'm pretty sure the best thing I could do is keep a food journal. So, perhaps I'll start doing that. It's definitely my downfall, the whole calories in part of the equation, and with not doing much to expend those calories, obviously the calories out is mostly being stored in the form of fat on my body. Grrrrrr... maybe by blogging about it I can be more accountable. I want to set a good example for my kids. I want them to be active and eat well, so I must lead by example... but some days it just seems so hard...