Change is in the Air...

To say the last couple weeks have been stressful would be a bit of an understatement. Truly, I have felt quite overwhelmed lately but mostly due to circumstances completely out of my control. It has been a bit of a wake up call however and it has me feeling much more committed to becoming healthier and taking better care of myself. Without going into much detail, I will say that I have seen people in my family go through some tough stuff. Namely, cancer returning and killing a loved one. Another loved one suffering a broken leg and needing surgery to get it back into place. And another loved one being admitted to the hospital. So, suddenly I am seeing multiple ways that health is failing in people that matter to me. It has provided a true wake up call and made me really think hard about taking better care of myself.

I know, broken record. But maybe this time will be different. We only get one body to last us a lifetime. It seems important to take care of it and give it what it needs. I know I have seriously lacked in motivation for quite some time now, and I am really not sure how to get out of that slump. But I have to try. For my sake, but also for my boys. I try and set a good example for them but lately it just feels like I haven't been doing that. I haven't been terrible, but I know I can do better. I am thinking maybe if I can get to this blog more often, that might help.

And I need to keep an eye on the calories going in, and the quality of those calories as well. I want to be eating a more balanced diet, in the quantities that I need to sustain myself (or perhaps a little less than I need so I can attack the extra weight that has crept back on). I want to be eating lots of fruits and vegetables. And I want to come up with strong protein sources that are not always based on animals. And I need to drink more water. That should be an easy one!! I need to concentrate on the part where the fuel going in is high quality and real. Yes, I will still have some treats. I have too much of a sweet tooth not to. But I need to make sure they are just that... a treat... and only sometimes. I need to resist the constant unhealthy snacks on display at my workplace. I need to remember that what goes in is what will be fuelling me. And I only need so much fuel. I should probably start tracking what I eat again, because the last time I did that, it was super effective.

But the other side of it is the exercise. Now I know the last little while has been a bit dictated for me, but it doesn't mean I still can't find a way to sneak in some exercise etc. I have not made it a priority. I need to. I need to because I want my body to be strong for me. I need to because I want to be strong for my family. So I hope that today gets me going again. I am going to put up this post, and see if I can try and add to this blog at least three times a week.

Today I made the decision to go for a run. Nothing long. Nothing far. Just a run. And I did. It was super hot outside, but I went. Just for half an hour. But it was something. Because I want to start making it a priority. For me. No more excuses.

And I guess I should document where I am starting. Ugh. Again. Not something I really want to share, but something I really need to so that I can try and improve upon it. The scale says to me 194.2lbs. I know. There is work to be done. The pants are pretty snug. I want them to be loose again. I want to feel better about me. I can do this... at least, I hope I can!!

Get me out of this funk...

Uh... seriously...

Again...

What is it with my complete apathy lately when it comes to exercise?

And Eating...

I need an intervention...

Or some focus...

Or a desire to change...

Something...

It is less than 100 days until we go on a trip I have been anxiously awaiting for more than two years now. Truly. I need to get serious.

I will be in a bathing suit...

I will be in the sun...

I am tired of my pants and shorts feeling tighter...

I don't want bigger work clothes...

I want my kids to see a positive example...

I want to eat better...

I want to be healthier...

I need a change...

I want a change...

I must be focused...

Starting now...

Here we go again...

I feel like a broken record. Uh. Yet, Here I am, again, deciding that maybe today is the day I should get going again. Lately I have just totally been lacking in motivation and inspiration. I really do feel like a broken record (hmmmm.... does that show my age or what since a whole generation doesn't even have a clue what a record is). And really, I have no excuse for this complete lack of discipline when it comes to exercise and nutrition lately. And there are only ten months between now and the biggest goal I have ever set for myself (Ironman Canada). So what gives? Why is it, I just can't seem to stay focused and driven? I mean, I know we all go through ups and downs, but this down just seems to be lasting forever, and I'm really not happy with that.

I know I make the choices. I get that. I also get that I have chosen to make several bad choices on the eating front lately. And even as I'm making them, I know they aren't the choice I really want to make, but it's the choice I do make. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

I feel like I'm trying to sabotage myself, when really, that's not the case, or maybe it is. Maybe I am so scared of failing, that I just sabotage enough steps along the way, then I'll have an easy out? Could that be it? I mean, I'm so excited to do Ironman next year. I watched Jeremy this year and was so incredibly proud of him!! And, it's been in the back of my mind for a few years now, so I know it's a goal, that needs to be achieved but wow, getting myself on track is proving to be much tougher than I imagined it might be. Last year I exercised every single day for ten months of the year. Now, I struggle to exercise ten days in a month. What gives??

But, I'm tired of the excuses, really tired of them. So once again, I start anew and hope that this is the time that really gets me going...Where do I start for now? Yeah, not even sure... let me go check... yeah, ain't that pretty, and long story, but can't get it to rotate... grrrrrr